Dear God,
Please help me to feel you more today. I know you're here, but today I'm having trouble feeling your presence. I know I promised I wouldn't be nervous about the pregnancy but I find myself worrying anyway. I feel like I've disappointed you. I feel sorry that I'm so unable to trust you. More than my guilt, that sadness is what gets me. It says everything about how I am about trust, how unable I am to trust. How unnatural it is for me. I keep thinking about E's doctors and how these most recent two command my trust, with their amazing CVs and loads of experience. You command my trust so much more! Please help me give it to you.
I know, with your help, I can handle ANYTHING. Please help me to feel confident in your mercies and peaceful. I know you will take care of me. Please help me know this every hour, minute, second.
Please remind me that life is always beautiful, even when it doesn't seem so. Please help me fend off the darkness these hormones sometimes bring. I know that's not you.
I'm trying hard not to want anything but YOUR WILL, but you know I want this baby. I will do everything in my power to be a wonderful mom to him or her and to be a better wife to my husband. I will seek you more and more and teach this baby to do the same.
I want him or her so much, it's hard not to get demanding and start pushing my agenda, so I try to just think about you and see you, rather than focusing on my desires.
Please hold my hands and help me! I really need it today. Please help hubby, too. Please help us to see your love everywhere we look.
~L
